Are you in your midlife years with young, grown children that still haven’t matured into responsible adults? It’s disappointing … And what are you supposed to do about it? What CAN you do about it?
You thought you did everything you’re supposed to do? And yet, they disappoint you anyway!
Are they still living at home, barely contributing to the household, if at all, and still not picking up after themselves? Maybe it’s more serious and they’re into drugs and alcohol?
There IS something we CAN do about it. It’s called tough love. And why is it tough? Because we have invested years in raising, nurturing and looking after our children and we love them dearly. As a matter of fact that is precisely WHY we love them so much … Let me explain: It’s human nature. We’ll actually love the people we do things for, MORE, than the people that do things for us.
It seems almost counter intuitive. You’d figure you’d like the people that did things for you MUCH MORE than the people you’re constantly doing things for … however, it simply is not true. When you have an invested interest in someone, you have an overwhelming desire to have that investment “pay off.”
Which brings me to the “tough” part. If we do not DEMAND that our children contribute toward the household we are robbing them of developing an invested interest in the family unit. They may grumble and whine but the smallest contribution amounts to an investment that they slowly begin to care about.
When we simply continue to give and expect appreciation, we are constantly disappointed. But guess what? It’s not JUST your kids … It’s HUMAN NATURE.
I came across a great book that is on my list to order, ” Setting Boundaries® with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents
Do you know anyone who has grown kids who are still at home and not contributing. I think this book could be a perfect gift for them … It outlines the “Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents”:
How do today’s parents cope when the dreams we had for our children clash with reality? What can we do for our twenty- and even thirty-somethings who can’t seem to grow up? How can we help our depressed, dependent, or addicted adult children, the ones who can’t get their lives started, who are just marking time or even doing it? What’s the right strategy when our smart, capable “adultolescents” won’t leave home or come boomeranging back? Who can we turn to when the kids aren’t all right and we, their parents, are frightened, frustrated, resentful, embarrassed, and especially, disappointed?
Check it out … I’ve ordered mine and look forward to the read.
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